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Joke of the Day

"Today my mum told me I wasn't an only child.... Today my mum said that I was an only child. I said, I already knew that mum seeing as dad is in jail for rape."

"A black man, a white guy, a muslim and a communist walk into a bar..... Bartender says ""what can i get you mr. president?"""

"My Brother had to give up Tap Dancing recently. He kept falling into the sink!"

"What did the woman say to the vampire when she woke up with her period? ""I made you breakfast in bed!"""

"If you use your alarm to look for your car in a parking lot someone will eventually help you find it by yelling ""It's over here you idiot!"""

"How do you tell a deaf person to shut up? ""Here, hold this."""

"Helpful tip: If you throw a baby at a tiger, I only recommend throwing a baby that you don't like."

"If she's naming your wedding album on facebook ""wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!"" she's too young for you bro."

"When your boss says ""You need help"", he never means a hitman."

"A farmer invested $10 million of his own money for a research on 'effects of Marijuana on cattle'. The steaks were high."