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Joke of the Day

"Told my girlfriend that there was a party in my pants and that she was invited. She asked if it was a search party :("

"Where do suicide bombers go after they die All over the place"

"Good Cop: If you tell us where the money is we can help you. Bag Cop: *majestically floats around the interrogation room on AC currents*"

"What would the headline read if an average redditor were killed by a venemous spider bite? Brown Recluse Kills White Recluse"

"Ovens You hear? Germany is now coming out with a new line of ovens...4 seaters and 6 seaters"

"I found out why I'm still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you."

"18: You & I are getting fat bec. u cook so damn good! IT'S.ALL.YOUR.FAULT! I was insulted, complimented, then scolded in under 2.5 seconds."

"Why didn't the blond call 911? She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad."

"Clergy A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar. The priest asks, ""Want to screw some alter boys?"" And the rabbi responds, ""out of what?"""

"Instagram: ""Look at my sushi!"" Vine: ""Look at my sushi for six seconds!"""