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Joke of the Day

"What would the headline read if an average redditor were killed by a venemous spider bite? Brown Recluse Kills White Recluse"

"My boss told me she would screw me if I worked all the free overtime I possibly could."

"I would imagine paying your bills at a library in Prague has to be easy. You know, with all of the Czech books and whatnot."

"I am sure I chose the right song for Richard's funeral Lonely Island - Dick in a Box"

"A radio said to the female radio... -Let's make some some baby radios! To which the female radio replied: -I can't, I am stereo"

"It's really weird to think about the fact that I've slept with literally everyone in my high school.. It's a lot less weird when you realize it's one in the morning and my high school is vacant."

"Who held the baby octopus to ransom ? Squidnappers !"

"Look at all these people writing in Starbucks, just like Hemingway."

"Stop complaining about your relationship if you're gonna stay in it, dumb ass b*tches.."

"A lot of people cry when chopping onions, but the trick.. ..is to not get emotionally attached."