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Joke of the Day

"In the 1970s it was almost impossible to insult someone electronically. Thank god that nightmare is over."

"Me: Wow, you're glowing. Her: Aaaaww, thank you! Me: No, like radioactive... Her: . . . Me: Tone down the filters?"

"Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog probably just thinks, ""Awesome, now we're both barking."""

"It is said that, you can't buy happiness. You only need to know the right places..."

"What's the difference between a nun, and a prostitute in a bathtub? The nun has hope in her soul."

"What candy is traditionally served at a Jewish wedding. Mazel toffee."

"What do you call it when Muslim men play naked twister? Dinner entertainment at Guantanamo Bay"

"A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder The bartender says, ""Hey, that thing is cool - where did you get it?"" The parrot replies, ""Africa."""

"My wife told me she used to be a lesbian once ""You mean I turned you?"" I asked with a grin. ""No...."" she replied wistfully. ""I just ran out of money."""

"Did you know you can catch a bullet... But only once"