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Joke of the Day

"Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog probably just thinks, ""Awesome, now we're both barking."""

Next Joke
 
"A jokey named Chris is running late for his race... ...his coach points at his horse and yells ""Chris top her"" Edit: Spelling"
"I listen to Ed Sheeran in the same way I stuff an entire cupcake in my mouth over the sink hoping no one will see."
"I searched deep in the anals of history and found nothing but shit... Or ""The annals of history are mostly full of shit..."" *maybe that can be an adage or something?"
"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."
"My friend was harassing me with bird puns But toucan play at that game."
"The rulers of the US, Russia, and China walk into a random bar in Latin America What do the locals call them? El negro, el gringo y el chino."
"I hear the Star Wars universe is so advanced, you can get Chinese food directly over the internet... They use an e-wok."
"I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision."
"[eharmony] based on your responses, your perfect match is a trashcan.. [me] aww [eharmony] ..full of raccoons [me] omg I love raccoons"