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Joke of the Day

"Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it's the holidays and shit."

"You shouldn't make fun of people who use Viagra. It's hard enough for them already."

"You know the economy is bad... When you pull into the McDonald's drive thru and the person at the speaker asks... Can you afford fries with that?"

"Why can't a blonde dial 911 ? She can't find the eleven."

"If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year"

"My wife and I asked my son who he loves most. He pointed all around. I said he had to choose, then he told us he was pointing at the wifi."

"My wife thinks our sex life has got boring and I'm easily distracted... Oh well, better get back to it I suppose."

"What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Haloumi!"

"Being Santa sounds easy... (NSFW) I've got plenty of experience emptying my sack into socks."

"For no other reason, you have to be impressed with Panera Bread for never introducing a Peter Panera character. Respect."