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Joke of the Day

"For no other reason, you have to be impressed with Panera Bread for never introducing a Peter Panera character. Respect."

"A magician is driving down a road... and turns into a driveway."

"Divorce. When being wrong every day for being alive isn't working for you."

"I swear I only have sex standing up.. I'm not fucking laying!"

"I was going to kill myself. A : A week ago I wanted to kill myself. B : What? How? A : I'd jump off the roof. B : What changed your mind? A : I'm afraid of heights."

"My girlfriend can be really loud during sex... I don't know why. She knows no one is coming to help"

"Almost all of the guys I drafted for my fantasy football team are football players which I think was a smart move"

"(NSFW) Whats cute, red, bubbly, and likes to scratch at windows. a baby in a microwave"

"While in bed, my girlfriend screamed, ""Oh my god, it's so big!"" Then I saw the spider."

"What's the difference between anal sex and regular sex? Regular sex can make your night, but anal sex can make your hole weak."