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Joke of the Day

"So this one time I offered some shrimp to this Jewish friend of mine... Me: This shrimp is great. Wanna try some? Friend: Sorry, I'm Jewish. Me: No, it's free! *from a comic by Cyanide and Happiness*"

"What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator? A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)"

"What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!"

"Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza"

"My computer has been running slow lately... I tried restoring the computer and still no luck. I finally decided to paint the computer black and it ran so much faster."

"Billy asked our Astronomy teacher a simple question today... ""Mrs. North? How big is Uranus?"" Billy was sent to the office..."

"So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything"

"Mommy mommy why do I keep running around in circles? ""Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."" In the 80s, my mother thought this was hilarious."

"Little boy: ""daddy, I want to be a Men's Rights Activist when I grow up"" Dad: son, don't grow up to be an irritating wuss"

"I thought I would tell you an anal sex joke Butt fuck it."