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Joke of the Day

"What can a lawyer do that a duck can't? Stick his bill up his arse."

"Lots of hockey tweets, sadly I'm from Alabama where a bunch of white guys chasing something black with sticks has a whole different meaning."

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She didn't wear a seatbelt."

"Feel sorry for Julio Cesar tonight. Last time I saw a Brazilian facing this many shots he was jumping a ticket barrier at Stockwell."

"Coworker: you play any sports Me: yeah but I've had to take a break from it CW: oh..Injury? Me: *thinks about broken controller* yeah..kinda"

"What do your mom and a camel have in common? They both spit."

"Sometimes cops don't believe it when I explain that my mom's dying wish was to keep her cremated ashes inside a bag of blow in my glove box."

"How does Moses get his tea ready? Hebrews"

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the mouth."

"I'm still learning my pronouns... But that is neither here nor there."