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Joke of the Day

"Lots of hockey tweets, sadly I'm from Alabama where a bunch of white guys chasing something black with sticks has a whole different meaning."

"I like my women how I like my coffee. Big tits."

"If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? You're a-peein!"

"I just saw Ex Machina... I thought it was supposed to be about AI, and not just about women."

"HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA GET YOUR VACCINE AT WALGREENS TODAY"

"Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet but most have just four."

"If Trump wins I'm leaving the country if Clinton wins I'm leaving the country Not a political post, I'm just a pilot so I always travel"

"If you press this button, you will get a piece of cheesecake but one person on earth will die so- *me already pressing button* sorry, what?"

"What do you call it when someone has sex in exchange for spaghetti? Pastatution"

"Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn't know, all mine have died in mysterious, firey car crashes."