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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you put two different vinaigrettes in your salad? Cross-dressing"

"My sister said she thought it would be cool to be a meme. I told her to run for president."

"I can't get mad when I hear babies screaming in public because honestly, I feel the same way sometimes."

"How do you catch a bra? You set a booby trap."

"Why don't elephants like martinis? Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?"

"Why is Budweiser like sex in a kayak? Its fucking close to water."

"Final words to David before surgery: ""If I don't make it? Swear you'll have me cremated & snort my ashes off a hooker's ass."" He promised."

"I just ate a pizza covered in pepperoni and chillies. To be honest, I looked pretty ridiculous."

"70% of all university students identify themselves as procrastinators. .. The other 30% haven't gotten round to it yet."

"The titanic had Bluetooth It synced"