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Joke of the Day

"Final words to David before surgery: ""If I don't make it? Swear you'll have me cremated & snort my ashes off a hooker's ass."" He promised."

"This outfit is called Running Into Someone I Know Would Be The Ultimate Worst Thing That Could Happen"

"Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!"

"Screaming, ""Hitler and the Nazi Party are in a disarray!"" when nudged at parties tells everyone that you fall asleep to the History Channel."

"The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians."

"Detective: ok forensics is finished. I'll start here and you- Dog cop: I'll mark our territory [dog cop pees around the crime scene tape]"

"I love the album Abbey Road so much I think I'm going to name my first daughter ""Road."""

"Did you hear that they are rebooting the show Six Feet Under? I heard that Robin Williams will be starring in it"

"Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share."

"What was the gay Swedish guys favorite thing to do? Give Swedish handjobs."