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Joke of the Day

"Don't you just hate it when ... You can't understand what your girl is trying to say? Take a step back and what's she's trying to say will become a lot clearer"

"I know this is only our second date, but can I use your bathroom real quick? Her: Of course... *walks out 26 minutes later* Thanks."

"You can take the girl out of the food court, but not this girl. I'm staying."

"The only part I hate about not wearing pants is having to wipe snot on my bare legs."

"It must be pretty bad being the wife of a suicide bomber... Because if they come home after work, they've had a bad day."

"Be that Shopping Cart with the bad wheel. Go in your own direction no matter how hard someone try's to push you in theirs."

"How can you tell a skinhead is shaved down there When the carpet matches the drapes"

"The other day someone asked me my 5 year plan I told them I don't have 2020 vision"

"So a neutron walks into a bar He asks the bartender ""how much for drink?"" The bartender replies, ""For you, no charge."""

"Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space."