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Joke of the Day

"We only speak to our two year old with a British accent. She's going to be the coolest kindergartner in Kansas."

"""WHAT DO WE WANT?"" ""A BETTER STRUCTURE FOR MEASUREMENT OF TIME THAT ISN'T AN ILLUSION CREATED BY MAN"" ""WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"" ... ""shit"""

"Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids... I won!! No one's a match for me and my kettle."

"A pessimist, optimist and feminist Optimist: The glass is half full Pessimist: The glass is half empty Feminist: The glass is raped"

"What is green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table"

"I couldn't finish my dinner , so the waitress asked me: ""do you wana box for that ?"" I responded "" no , but i'll arm wrestle you for it """

"*Action movie guy gets shot 3 times* It's nothing, I'll be fine. *gets shot a 4th time* Wow ok, that last one, ok whoooooo."

"Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me."

"My girlfriend is a porn star. She'll be mad when she finds out."

"Wanna know what the hardest part of Roller Blading is? Telling your parents that you're gay."