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Joke of the Day

"What did the decorators say when they went to church? ""Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"""

"son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don't get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]"

"The fact that there is only a stairway to heaven... But a highway to hell says alot about anticipated traffic numbers"

"What would New Zealand be called if it had a fascist government? Not Zealand."

"I want to own a basketball franchise in Miami and I want to name the team humidy... Then when someone asks if its the heat I can go ""its not the heat, its the humidity."""

"Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom? A. Three if you slice them very thinly."

"What do you call tree sap that won't stop running? Forest gunk."

"Why was the sprout farmer so assertive? He was an alfalfa male."

"I used to be a halogen but then I took a proton to the Ne"

"What is Forrest Gump's favorite pasta? PENNAY!"