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Joke of the Day

"I dared my little brother to lick my dad's ass, and he did. So he dared me to lick my sister's pussy. Just FYI, the ass is called Toots and my sister's cat is Mr. Pickle. We're both 9 and 12"

"In bed my wife calls my Jimmy John's. I cum freaky fast."

"Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body? Dumbbelldor."

"Victoria's Secret recently invented a bra that contains Bluetooth speakers ... ... because so many women had complained that men stare at their breasts instead of listening to them."

"The giant panda is no longer endangered... It's now extinct"

"So I was out for a walk with my Grandpa... My grandpa had altzhiemer's disease, and we were going for a little walk when all of the sudden....... (Classic comedy)"

"I was going to make a chemistry joke But I know I won't get a reaction"

"Pot is a plant, that grows in the ground. If God didn't want it, It wouldn't be around. So all you f*ckers that don't get high, Shut the f*ck up and give it a try!"

"ME:[just inaugurated as president] Where's the nuke button ADVISOR: why ME:[crumpling photo of my 5th grade bully] I just wanna see it"

"I just cleaned out my purse. So, I'll be having a garage sale later this afternoon."