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Joke of the Day
"Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything."
Next Joke
"Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm pretty? Cop: No Me: Because I'm on Twitter? Cop: No Me: Officer I can do this all day"
"""I have a cure for your burning bush."" Moses hitting on the ladies"
"What is Kim Kardashian's favorite sex position? On camera. Credit to this week's episode of *The Soup*."
"And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars."
"How do you stop Caitlyn Jenner from jumping on your bed Staple his ballbag to the ceiling. LOL"
"Dear Hollywood, after all the 3D movies, I've decided my 3 favorite dimensions are: 1) width, 2) height, and 3) character development."
"I tried acting in porn movies but I only had small parts."
"You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!"
"How do angels greet each other? They say Halo."