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Joke of the Day

"You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Apollo ! Apollo who ? Apollogize !"

"I visited Canada and got an STD Hepatitis A."

"A Truck full of terrapins going north and a truck full of tortoises going south... They collide. It was a turtle disaster."

"How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick"

"I once opened a box of Life. All I found was disappointment."

"I caught my wife cheating with the neighbor last night They are both banned from being the banker during monopoly game night now. That will teach them to sleep together."

"Midget scammer So there was a midget scammer who was in a prison break. I watched him climb up and down the wall - it was a little condescending."

"they once said an apple a day keeps the doctors away... But todays world all doctors are muslim, so i find bacon works better!"

"Why can't you have military coup in Russia? Because in Russia the military coups you."