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Joke of the Day

"Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm pretty? Cop: No Me: Because I'm on Twitter? Cop: No Me: Officer I can do this all day"

"difference between erotic and kinky Erotic is is rubbing a feather all over your lover; Kinky is using the chicken."

"I was told to put two planks together I totally nailed it."

"[finally rich enough to go to a tailor] ""How can I help you sir?"" One clothes please!"

"*smokes fat doobie* *enters hotdog eating contest* *sets Guinness World Record* *gets disqualified for using performance-enhancing drugs*"

"What kind of car does a rich shepherd drive? A Lamb-orghini!"

"""I see an Irish man walking..."" Short I see an Irish man walking with only one shoe on. I tell him ""You're only wearing one shoe, you stupid cunt"". The Irish man replies ""No, I found one."""

"Ok, I'll admit it, my choice of words is sometimes influenced by which ones I think I can spell correctly."

"What's a ducks favourite snack? Quackers! **EDIT: Spelling**"

"What did the LOTR fan say to the LOTR hater? What are you Tolkien about..."