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Joke of the Day

"What would gold say if it could talk? ""A-U"" :|"

"The wife just said ""right, pack ur bags and go ya lazy bastard."" I said,""fuck off...you pack them."""

"If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it."

"Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay to have a lentil on my face!"

"why do dolphin jokes always make you laugh? that's the porpoise. (came up with this at work...i love a good pun)"

"I saw a kid pretending to be a dinosaur by himself today... He looks lonely so I decided to go and join him. After a while, his mother came by and told me off. Turns out he had Cerebral Palsy."

"A man at a pub told me that he has no anus I told him he's full of shit"

"Yo mama is so poor... ... ducks throw bread at her."

"So an electric pole fell on my head today I couldn't believe it cause it was so shocking"