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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry you're breaking up [static sound] I'm about to go through a tunnel. Dad, we're right in front of you Uh..... go ask your mom."

"You inner anus is so big that when you skydive it acts as a parachute."

"What did the gay guy say to Pinocchio? Lie to me motherfucker."

"Every horse you've ever seen has two people inside them. Horses aren't real. Commitment is."

"Old high school classmate: Really? You're about to have your 4th child? Me: Are you surprised I like kids? Him: I'm surprised you had sex."

"Gets pulled over. Cop: You know the left lane is just for passing. And you were driving in it for the past 3 miles without passing a single car. Me: Oh yeah I know, that's why we're passing the blunt."

"I once heard that ""Time flies like an arrow."" But all I knew was that fruit flies like a banana."

"Why are the twin towers and genders so similar? Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now."

"If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary."

"I'm tired of people complaining about trumps policies... so I decided to detail them out here"