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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: This patient needs exercise. Get him a walker. No that's a zombie I wanted a walk-oh I see what you did there, nurse [Everyone dies]"

"Every time you get a haircut, you're essentially returning your last haircut and exchanging it for the exact same thing"

"*takes your order* *goes to kitchen* *comes back* ""did you say grilled cheese or gorilla cheese?"" grilled *sighs* *goes to kitchen*"

"Little boy: ""daddy, I want to be a Men's Rights Activist when I grow up"" Dad: son, don't grow up to be an irritating wuss"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent."

"How are women like 90 degrees? They're always right."

"How many Christian women does it take to change a lightbulb? nun"

"My local newspaper is running an innuendo competition. I might enter my sister."

"[1st day at work] BOSS: Erm..we..have No Smoking rules here ME: That's great Alan [blows out smoke] most places have loads of smoking rules"

"How do you get a hippie chick pregnant? Cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest"