170163

Joke of the Day

"Why do you hold your hand flat above your eyes when you look into the distance? Because when you would cover your eyes with your hand, you wouldn't see sh*t. I'm lame."

"I am pro animal rights, but I don't get why PETA campaigns against cosmetic testing on animals. Don't animals have the right to feel sexy, too?"

"If two gangsta vegetarians are arguing... Is it still considered beef?"

"I used to not get on with my mother-in-law but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!"

"What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting? A tooter"

"At the mortuary.. -How do you want to handle your mother in law? Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried? -All of them, lets not take any chances"

"That awesome moment when your best friend likes your Facebook status because they know the story behind it."

"How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house? When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway."

"Yo mama so old, When she farted dust came out!"

"Who came up with hugs? The very first hug must have been really creepy. ""What are you doing? Why are you holding me?"" ""Just trust me."""