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Joke of the Day

"At the mortuary.. -How do you want to handle your mother in law? Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried? -All of them, lets not take any chances"

"My friend hasn't had a bite all day. So I bit him."

"Do I have a girlfriend!? Are you kidding me? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER THOSE THINGS USE!?"

"Optimus Prime: so it's settled. I'll be a huge cool truck, Bumblebee you're a camaro. Any questions? [Dan the station wagon raises his hand]"

"Dear santa... Dear santa, this year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy's computer."

"How do you keep men on their toes? Raise the urinals"

"You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes..."

"What does an Eskimo do if his house falls down? Igloos it back together."

"Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, you take 5 shots."

"Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on"