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Joke of the Day

"[takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew."

"Damn girl, are you my date for today? Because you are 10/10"

"Can someone help me, I can't remember,,, Did Sarah Jessica Parker get an Oscar for Sea Biscuit?"

"Using a macbook is like making love to a woman There are so many things to do with your fingers, but none of them work."

"Did you hear about the Bourne identity movie? Matt Damon returns in ..........Still Bourne"

"I have a plan. I bring him home ,but don't sleep with him. Long story short he pays for the taxi."

"Does Snoop Dog wear and apron when he cooks? Yes, for sizzles. Edit: Snoop Lion"

"I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me."

"What did Syd Barrett leave in his mother's bathroom? A saucerful of secretions"

"Saw a guy masturbating on the bus today... Where does he get off?!? (credit to Hampton Yount)"