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Joke of the Day

"When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said."

"I finally found out why guys get married because wives are cheaper than spending all you're money on whores."

"*stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*"

"So I asked my dad... So I asked my dad during Christmas dinner if anything were home made? He replied ""definitely not you."""

"What is the difference between an Irish drinking song and a Country drinking song? You don't cry in your beer when the Irish song is playing."

"My sex life is like Antares rocket. - It takes huge amount of help to make it happen - It's really expensive - It ends with ""It's ok honey, it can happen to anyone"""

"If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it's because no one else wanted them."

"I hate when people read over my shoulder while I'm texting. 2 car lengths please Mr. Policeman."

"What do pessimists use... Q: What do pessimists use to wash their clothes? A: Deterrent."

"I don't have a drinking problem, I'm very good at it"