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Joke of the Day
"I heard the comedians at Jamestown were pretty bad... The punchlines were so shitty everyone died."
Next Joke
"[at the gym] ME: Hey, can you spot me? GUY: Sure, which machine? ME: *gestures to vending machine* Right over there"
"My grandpa is just like a plant. If you don't feed him, he'll die. Plus, he's super quiet when he's in the room watching you have sex."
"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend I put a dollar in a jar. On Valentine's Day I use what I saved to buy a gift for her."
"what type of beer does a hemorrhoid enjoy? pilesner"
"I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head but from a distance they looked like hares"
"My essay on sick, long necked mammals had lots of errors in it. My teacher said it was a rough giraffe."
"When hoes say, new year new me... they really mean new guys, new dick."
"YouTube is the nicest company ever... They just want to even the playing field so their competitors have a chance to catch up to them."
"BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water."