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Joke of the Day

"probably my biggest regret is not having gone to high school in an 80s movie."

"[lightbulb store] owner: ""what watt can i get you?"" me: owner: me: owner: ""did i stutter?"" me: ""i dont know"""

"I asked an Australian to greet me... He kept beating around the bush saying ""I might""."

"What is better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded"

"Meet George Jetson His Boy Elroy Daughter Judy Jane his wife Just kidding, obviously. I'll send the real lyrics tomorrow. Do not use these."

"If I could really LMAO, I could get into these jeans my mom has saved for me since high school."

"Where does Optimus Prime go for cosmetic repairs? To the autobotty shop!"

"I don't know what it means to ""find your better half"" but I hope my better half is a robot so that I can be half human half robot."

"Whats the difference between a Greyhound bus station and a Lobster with a breast implant? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean ;)"

"Where do people in Detroit get their groceries? They don't."