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Joke of the Day

"""OMG, I FORGOT TO CHECK FACEBOOK"" - somebody almost about to get some work done"

"When you hold me, I'd prefer it not be ""accountable."""

"Canadian whiskey is just whiskey that apologizes for your hangover in the morning"

"Damn girl, are you my date for today? Because you are 10/10"

"How do you castrate a redneck? Kick his sister's jaw in."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side."

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven when I take a nap."

"I was going to make a joke about that bus that rolled over and killed the driver and 9 passengers... But there's no pun in ten dead."

"At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds.... ...Only 15 pounds to go."

"The stock broker said to his mistress I'm going to put everything I've got into rubber, and if it comes off I'll marry you."