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Joke of the Day

"A man was arrested for publicly exposing himself to the ""wrong person,"" which implies somewhere out there the right person is waiting."

"Boss: Read me one of your funny tweets Me: Not right now I'm working Boss: Bahahahaha tell me another one"

"If you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out doors to people, well, there's the door."

"Dear Algebra, please stop asking us to find your x. and dont ask y."

"My 3-year-old was counting on her fingers in the other room. She finished at 9. I am concerned on so many levels right now."

"What's long and hard every time you wake up? Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to."

"Life is like a box of chocolates A woman can completely destroy one in minutes"

"People wonder why I move to a new place every couple years. The truth is, I'm being chased by a snail with a grenade and a vendetta."

"Did you hear about the popcorn that was demoted? He used to be a kernel."

"How come when someone says ""we need to talk"" it's never about ice cream or Star Wars?"