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Joke of the Day

"I believe in God and have a sense of humor about it. But when you insist that makes me an idiot, you sound as tolerant as Mel Gibson."

"My mate asked me if Wonderwall was the most culturally influential track of all time I said maybe"

"My stepson and his friend are driving around in my car. If he wrecks it, I have insurance. If he plays Nickelback in it, I'll murder him."

"""Who's on first?"" ""David."" ""Cool."" -Abbott and Costello's first draft"

"What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes ""*Whack* Damn!"" The skydiver goes ""Damn! *Whack*"""

"Why did 10 die? He was in the middle of 9/11."

"My mom asked if my kids are driving me to drink with the snow days. Told her I've been drinking at home, stupid kids can't reach the pedals."

"Why don't cannibals eat comedians? They taste funny."

"Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are on a sinking boat, who survives ? America"

"When I'd go to clubs, I spent half the time texting people who weren't there. Eventually I realized I could just send those texts from home."