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Joke of the Day

"February 29th is just like a dead beat dad. It only shows up every four years."

"Have you ever eaten a clock before? It's very time consuming."

"[skywriting] Karen, do you have the checkbook? The skywriting guy won't let me out of the plane until he gets his deposit."

"""How did the blind girl explain her pregnancy?"" She said she didn't see him coming"

"*pulls out stack of pancakes and completely stuffs mouth during interview* Nexft queffstun pleeazse ""Umm. Your biggest weakness?"" Panfccakes"

"This no more tears shampoo sucks. I've been feeding it to my friends kid and he's still crying. nnnnMust be doing something wrong."

"I have an outstanding warrant for loitering. *I don't know why my brain thought this was the funniest joke to replay during my sleep this morning but it made me wake up giggling."

"What Roman dictator suffered from Epilepsy? Julius Seizure."

"Where do epileptic midgets go for pizza? Little Caeser's"

"Your face... ...looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a hammer."