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Joke of the Day

"Standup comedy is challenging because you have to succeed at competitively describing how unsuccessful you are in life."

"""You know how I realized I had such a great butt?"" Because every time I would walk away after meeting a group of ladies I could hear them say, "" what an ass"""

"A Mexican magician says that he can disappear on the count of three. ""Uno, dos..."", he says before he was suddenly gone. He disappeared without a tres."

"If we are talking and I reach up and slowly turn my bear suit head around backward, our conversation is over."

"Just checked into hotel in Miami. They have a separate pool for redheaded people. I thought we were past this."

"Roe v Wade is my favorite bitter controversy about the best way to cross a small river."

"Me: ""This new flavour of Pringles is horrible."" Wife: ""You're eating a tube of tennis balls."""

"Why does the new new French navy have glass bottomed boats? So they can see the old French navy."

"What do you call an upside-down ""W""? An M-poster"

"Do you know why donuts have a hole in them? Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed"