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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""This new flavour of Pringles is horrible."" Wife: ""You're eating a tube of tennis balls."""

"I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife."" You should have seen how fast they both ran off."

"Science tells us there are far fewer female autists than male... But thanks to the pay gap, there are far more female starving autists."

"Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ? Pupil: Me !"

"Step on a crack, break your momma's back! So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said ""Why didn't your back break, mom?"" ""You're adopted."""

"What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!"

"What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk? A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant."

"Don't call me ""Dad"", please call me by my professional title, ""Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist""."

"Made this up two days ago: What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him? I have Grey Poupon me"

"At least I now know why the lions leave the plains before the end of summer. Because the Pride goeth before the Fall."