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Joke of the Day

"*First date. Her. ""Shall we carve our names onto this tree"" Me. ""You brought a knife?"""

"Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter? Because he would just kill off all 140 characters."

"""How many..."" How many blacks do you need to start a riot? Minus one."

"How did the nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall"

"What did one egg say to the other? It's just a Yolk!!"

"I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me."

"I'M RAGING AGAINST THE MACHINE! Okay, I'm just frustrated with this copier, but I sighed pretty loud, so I think it knows how I feel!"

"Don't you hate it when an egg gets stuck in your throat? Luckily, the discomfort is always over easy."

"What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE."

"Bar joke What has two thumbs an craves a blow job? This guy!"