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Joke of the Day

"*First date. Her. ""Shall we carve our names onto this tree"" Me. ""You brought a knife?"""

"When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through."

"Hitlers Joke My dog has no nose. Well how does it smell? Awful."

"what do you call a blond standing on her head? a brunette with bad breath..."

"When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed."

"What Did the Janitor Say When He Jumped Out of the Closet? ""Supplies!"" I'll see myself out"

"What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once."

"I recently came into a HUGE amount of money. Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint."

"Why do engineers mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31=DEC 25"

"They say statistically, 1 out of every 3 of your neighbors are likely to be a pedophile. Luckily for me, I live next to two gorgeous 12 year olds."