168817

Joke of the Day

"If you told them they would be on TV, millions would sign up for ""So You Think You Can Survive the Vacuum of Space""."

"GOD: there, my first animal :) SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move? G:like this*shimmies* S: G:just kinda*shimmies* S:dude"

"What do fat women get for valentines day? Depressed."

"After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn't stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we'd all be a lot skinnier."

"Nothing good can come out of answering your landline."

"The youngest daughter of a cannibalistic family was late to dinner She got the cold shoulder"

"To whomever stole my copy of Microsoft Word... I will find you. You have my Word."

"I just got fired, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable Apparently, nursing homes have ""strict rules"" around what you can do with the patients."

"I went to a wedding today... I went to a wedding today, it went off without a hitch! Poor guy, this is the second girl that left him at the alter."

"I think Newton was actually hit by pigeon shit when he discovered gravity.. Falling of apple was just a 'dignified' cover up...!!"