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Joke of the Day

"I always arrive late at the office... ... But I make up for it by leaving early."

"Why did the Smackhead kick the habit? He didn't like nuns."

"Why couldn't the Dairy Queen have any kids? Because she married Mr. Softy!"

"This just happened and it could be a joke... No. Really. I was swinging my fork around and got dumplings in my eyes. It wasn't that bad."

"The most realistic thing about Stranger Things is how much time kids in the 80s spent without parental supervision."

"What time did Sean Connery arrive at the Wimbledon? Tennish"

"I want to start a towing company. I'll name it Jaques Crew Tow."

"I could never be in a hardcore band because I'd feel awkward putting a sticker up in every bathroom stall I enter."

"Girl, are you my funny bone? Cause you're humerus."

"*Blind Date* Her: Ask me anything.. Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos? Her: Are you seri.. Me: *flips table*"