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Joke of the Day

"Bought some shoes from a drug dealer... Not sure what he laced them with, but I have been trippen' all day."

"A wife is worried about her body... Wife: ""I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"how do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her."

"THERE ARE 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH KITCHENWARE? Oh, that's not what pansexual means. Carry on then."

"How can anyone focus on world peace when we can't even get everyone to use the same date format?"

"Kiefer Sutherland is filming next season of '24' in Magaluf. The main villain will be an 18 year old blowing 24 victims up."

"Wife sings and husband gets out! Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing. Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you!!"

"[creates anti aging pill] Reporter: wow imagine all the human applications this can have *I scribble out 'give to puppies'* Yeah absolutely"

"My redneck cousin is looking for a girl into multiple partners. I told him that was ridiculously cliche... I mean really. Cracker wants a poly?"

"My Mother texted me and asked ""What does TTYL mean?""... I replied, ""Talk to you later"". So she responded, ""No! Talk to me now! What does it mean?"""