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Joke of the Day

"My two year-old has begun shouting ""The end!"" in a sing-song voice when he wants you to stop talking to him. Going to try this myself."

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"For Sale: Dwarf Jacuzzi Can also be used as a foot spa."
"I had a pun about insanity.. ..but I lost it"
"Is that a pineapple in your pocket, or are you just....Why do you have a pineapple in your pocket?"
"Shakespeare's The Life and Death of King Richard III Spoiler Alert: Richard III dies in the end."
"It's pretty racist that Denzel Washington keeps getting typecasted as black men."
"Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!"
"ME: my dog ate my homework TEACHER AT MY DOG FOOD CULINARY SCHOOL: that is good"
"""This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu"" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down"
"What does a Syrian refugee and an American abortion have in common? White people didn't allow them to come into the U.S."