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Joke of the Day

"Him: Where'd you get that black eye? Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too..."

"What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi? i let women know that i have a jacuzzi"

"Women only call me ugly, until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor."

"video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house."

"Why did the tomato blush when it saw the salad dressing? It was embarrassed."

"dispatch: we have a home invasion robbery in progress on the far side of the lake rowboat cop: *grabs oar* I'll be there in 6 hours"

"I am a Art major Leave me a loan"

"The hard truth is like poetry... ...most people hate hearing it."

"Want the secret to success? Want 2x the energy without having to diet? Want to add 20 years to your life? Want less shoulder hair? Me too."

"I wanted to invest in Lumber Liquidators... But wood stock hasn't been viable sincs the 60s."