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Joke of the Day

"Women only call me ugly, until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor."

"What's the difference between Baptists and Methodists? Methodists will make eye contact at the liquor store."

"No matter how busy I am at work, I'm never too busy to complain about how busy I am at work."

"Your as worthless as, Tits on a boar hog."

"I tried a vegan recipe book last night. It was much tastier than any of the recipes in it."

"I've seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad."

"What's the difference between a fedora and a fedina? ""A fedina? What's a fedina?"" ""*a-Spaghetti and meatballs!*"" Try it out. Just try it. This holiday season."

"Q: What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? A: I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face..."

"Why is it when you take a break from Twitter everyone assumes you're happy and in love... Maybe I was in jail."

"Going on Reddit is a lot like having sex You have fun for about 30 minutes then it all ends and you look back at the mess you just made."