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Joke of the Day

"Women only call me ugly, until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor."

"My date seemed really excited when I said I had a horse's cock. For some reason she seemed disgusted when I took it out of the fridge."

"JESUS: everyone loves me GABRIEL: wat about judas GOD: o snap JESUS: dad GOD: u've just been... JESUS: dont do this GOD: TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL"

"What do you call a roman emperor with epilepsy? Julius Seizure"

"What's the difference between a large pizza and a bass guitarist? A large pizza can feed a family of four!"

"asked my dentist out but she brushed me off, said she only dates plaque guys Not gonna paste any more time on that cavitease, it's her floss"

"""Tell me the story behind each of your tattoos."" -No one, ever"

"I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... not on my watch."

"Research shows, 78% of all statistics are made up! Just like this one. (Its nit my own. I heard this somewhere, thought was worth sharing)"

"It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented."