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Joke of the Day

"I saw an advert for a 1 TV. It said ""The volume is stuck on full."" Well, I can't turn that down, can I?"

"What's long, black and smelly? The unemployment line."

"What would you call a Chinese based arm of Isis? Ricesis"

"During a routine physical the Doctor said, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" asked the patient. ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"""

"Do you think Michael J Fox....? Do you think Michael J Fox ever gets an answer out of an 8-Ball?"

"Sirs & Ma'ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too."

"Chuck norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it."

"What do you get when you go to a concert in Paris? Shot."

"I'm not a shout it from the rooftops kind of person, but I'll write it on a post-it and leave it lying around for people to see."

"Hey baby..are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids in you"