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Joke of the Day

"I have a stalker now and it's super creepy. She shows up wherever I go... her house, her job, the women's restroom. I don't know what to do."

"Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup! Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them."

"2 things I hate; 1)Hypocrites 2)and people who don't finish anyth"

"Hey Chumbawamba, we kept you down."

"[high school reunion] Amanda: wow, you haven't changed a bit me: [covered in acne and wearing faded Pokemon shirt]: yeah I know"

"Do you like hot women that scream in bed? Check out the burns unit at the hospital."

"What do you call a baby girl who died of alcohol poisoning? Give me a blender and we'll call her a bloody mary."

"What do you call promoting a broom to the highest rank in the military? A Sweeping Generalization."

"I know I know So what do you call a black woman who has had 9 abortions? A Crime Fighter!!!"

"I have done about 300 crunches for my new exercise routine. 299 of them are Nestle."