167738

Joke of the Day

"I enjoy reading, long walks on the beach, and getting myself into situations where the only way out is to fake my own death."

"If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body. If he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face... If he says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother"

"If someone sees you accidentally bite into plastic fruit, commit. don't show weakness. eat all of it"

"What do you call a pall bearer in Oklahoma? A karaoke!"

"Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher? Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies."

"The escalators at the mall suddenly began working super quickly, causing several people to fall over and brutally die. That escalated quickly."

"Netflix has a doc called ""Fascism in Colour""; wouldn't this be more of a ""black-and-white"" issue?"

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his pants The bartender asks whats up with the wheel on his pants. The pirate responds with ""Yarr, it's driving me nuts."""

"Does the employee manual say I CAN'T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you."

"What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? Its pasture bedtime"