208031

Joke of the Day

"I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic... How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?"

"*puts on Rocky theme music* *cracks neck* *cracks knuckles* *stretches* *jogs in place* *picks up phone to call mom*"

"What's the difference between a terrorist cell and a children's hospital? ... Don't ask me man, I just fly the drones."

"What happens when you inject human DNA into a goat? You get kicked out of the petting zoo."

"Why do meth addicts prefer to do it doggy style? So they can both look out the window."

"To avoid another embarrassing moment like when I was stood up on prom night, I always keep at least 1 penguin around."

"Waiter: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon. Customer: What bait are you using?"

"Do you know what happened in the bathroom? Me either, but I heard a lot of shit going down."

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now i can't find him."

"What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other? A speech impediment."