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Joke of the Day

"If you walk into a zoo and steal a duck do they call it stolen mallard?"

"Anyone know how long we are supposed to ""Shake It Off""? Taylor never specified and frankly I'm exhausted!"

"LPT: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you."

"Why did Jesus hang on the cross for three days? He forgot the safe word."

"Have you ever been to a store that only sells lamps? I've heard it's pretty lit."

"What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea Plaguegiarism Jesus Christ dafuq is wrong with me"

"What did the Dead Head say, after he ran out of weed? ""Damn, this music sucks!"""

"Last week i just robbed my first bank in my new Frog outfit. I Kermited a major offense"

"I'm going to attempt to dehydrate myself for the depravity contest. I hope I win thirst prize."

"*Stands in wood & sets self on fire* ""OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"" I want to look hot on tinder."