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Joke of the Day

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park."

"my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon"

"*takes pen and notepad from psychiatrist's hand ""This'll go quicker if you let me do it."""

"I work in a deli and put my cock in the bagel slicer. I got fired... ... and so did she."

"Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad? Dad: He donated blood."

"What do you call a Nun in a Wheelchair? Virgin Mobile"

"I'm not intimidated by a pretty woman. I'm intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty."

"How to be cool: A) use cool sunglasses emoji in everything B)"

"here's my dating advice. Take your date to go-karts. everyone loves go-karts. I just solved your life. you're welcome"

"A man walks into a bar The man is Donald Trump. He orders a drink and leaves a few minutes later. The joke is that you thought this one wasn't going to be political"