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Joke of the Day

"The difference between Napoleon and I... is Napoleon understood the importance of 5 minutes. That's my dream. In reality, I'd masturbate if I could get away with it"

"A man walks into a bar... ...ouch"

"I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people."

"Did you hear about the two Jamaican Turtles at the RNC? They were just looking for Michelle Bachman."

"I've been told that I'm very condescending That means I talk down to people"

"""Give it to me!"" she yelled ""I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me now!"" ... She could scream all she wanted. I was keeping the umbrella."

"What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam."

"What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise? I don't know but your mother's a whore!"

"Want to read a great construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it."

"I fucking hate double standards... If a girl sleeps with a load of different men, she's a slut. But when a guy does it he's a homosexual?"