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Joke of the Day

"I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people."

"Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO"

"I fear one day my gf will figure out every romantic thing I say to her is a line from Brokeback Mountain."

"College My son took Rock Climbing in college but he had to drop the class. He couldn't find any ""Cliff Notes."""

"New rule: You're not allowed to be condescending unless you can spell it."

"Herpes sounds like the name of a greek god"

"I wish my penis was smaller. Then I could finally disprove the Planck length."

"Went to the Planetarium to do some stargazing but I didn't see one celebrity. Rip-off!"

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? ""I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!"""

"what did sam smith say to the popped balloon ""you've been so uninflatable..."""