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Joke of the Day
"Profanity is unnecessary and fucking stupid."
Next Joke
"Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field."
"What happened to the egg and his girlfriend? They broke up."
"""FOR [sound of robot-computer meltdown/Buckethead noise] PRESS 1 FOR [feint but audible screams of someone being chased in woods] PRESS 2"""
"Kid 1: Why'd you call me Aphrodite? ""After the Greek goddess of love"" Kid 2: What about me pop? ""You're named after a famous chipmunk Alvin"""
"Moms get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum..."
"President Obama just signed a law banning mobile phones in prisons. Well there goes about half of my followers"
"What do you call a deer with no eye? GoodMorning! NO IDEAR!"
"Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? She grew out of her b-shells"
"You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'"